just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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