No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
