I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
