I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
