This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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