I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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