My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
