I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
