can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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