ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
