My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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