you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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