mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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