She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
