I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
