you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
