11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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