Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
