you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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