can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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