apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
