Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
