hell yes lets make some ravioli
it was like eating out sand paper
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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