I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
