: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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