I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
