guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
