Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
