Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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