Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
