He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
