dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
