Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
