I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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