Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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