I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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