So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
