people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she told me i tasted like america
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
