Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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