i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
