He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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