Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
