C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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