dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
