im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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