you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
