I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
