Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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