I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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