DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
