I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
