cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
