he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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