you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
