There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
foreskin is a definite game changer
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
