Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
