I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
His nipple licking is glorious
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