If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
