Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize