And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
