Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
