the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's shark week go big or go home
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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