Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You made out with two different species that night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize