No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
