What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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