its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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