were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize