i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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